Your 'Friend'fluence
I’m extremely privileged whereby I know I have the best of the best in my life. I know everyone claims that they’re best friends are the greatest in the world, but, trust me, I count my lucky stars every day because of my lot – as big a bunch of FREAKS as they might be from time to time.
Some of them have never met each other. Some of us are in big gaggles of groups. Some of us don’t talk for weeks at a time. Some of us are constantly texting all day, every day. Some held me as a baby. I held a couple of them too! Some I’ve known for pushing twenty years. Some I’ve only met in the last three or four.
Either way, I’m lucky enough to be surrounded by the most diverse, kind-hearted and thought-provoking people on this planet. With these guys, I have advisors and cheerleaders and therapists and partners in crime who I would go to the absolute ends of this earth for, no question. You know who you’s are. I like you some. xoxo
Anyways, this isn’t a post about me showing off why my friends are great (though I’m sure they wouldn’t really mind!)
I’ve been speaking to a bunch of people over the past few days about friendship; about what makes their best friend the best? How did they know their friend was their soulmate? What is most important to them in a friendship? All that sort of stuff.
I’ve had plenty of insightful responses. Every friendship is unique and so specific to individuals; it was a massive privilege to be allowed into these spaces and gain insight into your characters, your interests, your priorities etc. Thank you for that. It was lovely to hear your stories!
I got my hands on quite the array of people and got the chance to hear what is most important to them. From playing Frozen to friendships lasting forty years and more, all the responses were really special.
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“I like ***** because we do colouring and Frozen together.”
“This is going to sound dead mean, lol, I don’t even know if I should tell you, but fuck it! We bonded over our mutual hatred for a certain person that we both know hahaha. It’s the whole an enemy of my enemy is my friend kind of tackle. We really bonded over it. It sounds awful to say over text doesn’t it? But I couldn’t have picked a better partner in crime than her.”
“We do dancing and we make up dances and we show them to everyone.”
“She’s the only person I know who accepts me entirely without judgment. I know I’m not the greatest person in the world; I’ve done some pretty shitty things before I met her and she knows all about them but has never, like, condemned me for them. Is that even the right word? She never judged me, let preconceived notions get the better of her, anything like that. She’s never looked down on me or anything!”
“Weirdly, our friendship is based on a primary school trade deal. I’d let her copy my work in spelling tests and she’d give me the answers in those timed mental maths exams we’d take. So, really, we owe a lot to each other; we’re in this deep now, there’s no going back!”
“She’s the only person I can depend on to be brutally honest with about anything. If I look like shit, she’ll tell me. If I’ve made a stupid decision, she’ll tell me. If the person I’m seeing is a twat, she’ll tell me. Best of all, I know she doesn’t do any of this to be mean—it’s because she loves me and wants what’s best for me. Love ya *****!”
“We like playing football and we are on the same team.”
"My friends now are mostly friends of 40+ years, so they must be ok!"
“I know this sounds weird but we know each other well enough to the point we can pretty much hear each other’s thoughts without anyone saying anything. We have bonded to the point where we can sit right next to each other without saying a word, but it still feels like a full two-hour conversation. Not in a bad way lol. It’s that comfortable silence, where it’s never awkward. It’s nice. I’ve never been that way with anyone.”
“Sometimes I need to someone else I can turn to who isn’t family. It’s an outlet in a way. Like, you don’t have to be anything other than yourself with them and live up to standards set by your family.”
“Our parents were friends; we grew up next door to each
other, went to the same schools, settled close to each other, married and had
children around the same time. It’s not as if we had much choice! But I wouldn’t
change it for anything.”
“It’s simple—she’s always got me. I know if I got arrested,
she’d come in her PJs in the middle of the night to bail me out. If I told her I’d
killed someone, she’d have the shovel ready. If you ever find someone like
that, hold onto them tight. They’re rare.”
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Friendship is so weird. You just meet a person are you're like "yep, I like you" and then you just do stuff together. You sit and watch Mamma Mia back to back when revising for exams (Millie) and you talk for two hours every day (@BenjaminHoltDesign) and you feel like you've known them forever. You can't imagine a life without them. And it's not as if you need thousands of them; my grandad used to say that sometimes "you can only count your true friends on one hand," and that's so true. The influence and the impact of the support and encouragement of others doesn't depend on how far it reaches, but rather how deeply it touches.
From bonding over the same football team, to just sitting together in comfortable silence, 'friendfluence' is beautiful. It works both ways. Not only do you benefit from its perks, but others do too. Being a great friends is a beautiful responsibility and a privilege, and there is nothing better than when it's reciprocated. Giving someone your time, your advice, your laughter, your effort, is probably the most honourable thing a person can do.
The upshot is: you need people and people need you. Cultivating these close bonds is a skill in itself and it fascinates me every day. But making the effort to be a friend and to maintain a friendship is one of the most fulfilling things I can think of. The influence of your best friendships can reach you no matter where you find yourself in the world, no matter what you're doing. Like I said, friendship is weird; you just meet another human and then, all of a sudden, you can't imagine life without them.
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