Monday 9 April 2018
Why it's OK to Not Have Your Shit Together at 20
"What am I actually doing?" *wipes tears with revision notes.
If you ask any young adult what their primary stress in life is, it’s likely something to do with uncertainty. If you were to boil it down to a sentence, it would be probably be something like: “I don’t know what I’m doing with my life.”
How many times have you heard someone say that? *How many times have you said that? Probably a lot. If you’re a student this time of year, then you probably say it at least every day (more than likely whilst wiping your sweat/tears with revision notes). The idea that we should 'know' is a pile of socially-crafted-bullshit superimposed on our psyches since forever, and it’s holding us back (I mean, I'm definitely not the same person I was when I was 14 and sitting my GCSEs.)
At least, it feels that way to me. Exactly 2 months today, I turn 20 and I have anything but a plan. It’s scary to say the least. My plan was always to go to university and achieve as much as I could along the way and now that I’m there and finishing up my second year, I think I have hit a bit of a bump. Sure, I got to uni and I’m having a great time and have met the best people, but what’s next?
I just keep telling myself that nobody really knows “what we’re doing with our lives.” We can’t summarize the big picture. We don’t know what we’ll be doing in 5 years, in 10 years, 20! I think pretending that we can predict that isn’t being responsible or ambitious. It’s cutting ourselves off from living according to our inner navigation systems as opposed to the narrative we once thought would be right.
If you’re wondering “what you should do with your life,” it’s likely that you’re in the awkward state of limbo between realizing you don’t want what you once did and giving yourself permission to want what you want now. It’s all well and good having ideas but I honestly think that there is something not quite right with having a plan you feel 100% bound to. Thinking you know what you’re “doing with your life” quells your hunger. It soothes your mind with the illusion that your path is laid out before you, and that you no longer have to choose, which is another way to say, you’re no longer responsible for becoming the person you want and need to be.
It might sound too optimistic, but I have always believed that hard work will get you anywhere. Hunger is important. Complete fulfillment is the track to complacency. We don’t thrive when we’re fulfilled. We stagnate.
What are you doing today? What intrigues you? What would you do right now if you could be anyone you wanted? If social media didn’t exist? What do you want to do this weekend?
These are the types of questions I constantly find myself asking and answering. “What do I want” is a question we need to ask every day. The things that run true will weave through your life, the ones that pop back up again and again are the ones you’ll follow. They’ll become the places you remain, the people you’re drawn to, the choices you make. The core truths will win out, even if other things are lodged beside them.
Listening to it is saying: What do I want right now?
