Saturday 14 January 2017
"You should go and love yourself" *insert beautiful picture of Bieber himself.
From my
short time living away from home, amongst a whole new bunch of people, I’ve
come across this idea a lot. Trying to
find the words to convey what I want to say about this topic is quite tough. I
have so much to say, but actually articulating what it is I am trying to say is proving quite challenging. It’s something that I think everyone will
understand, including my no.1 JB himself.
Quite
bluntly, why is it that we have such a hard time loving ourselves?
The ability
to feel confident in our own skin is crucial to being a fully-actualized
individual. It is the foundation for so
many of our other qualities. We could be
the brightest of people, successful in work, surrounded by total love and
positivity; we could just be awesome human beings, yet I’ve found that the
world puts so much emphasis on a negative bias.
Body image. People-pleasing. Underachievement. And it is from this that self-worth becomes measurable,
something we internally judge ourselves on.
Low self-worth is a form of self-sabotage. It undermines any potential happiness because
even if we know in our heads that we are capable, beautiful, strong, our hearts
spit venomous falsities of weakness, stupidity, ugliness. Whether we want to admit or not, it is something
we all experience. At some point, we all
have never felt quite good enough and that is a sad truth.
It is hard to embrace any form of self-love,
validation or worth because e the world often doesn’t mirror back to us
what we’d like to believe about ourselves.
We may accept the concept that we are worthy, reinforced by
loving friends and family that “you do look good in that dress!” and “you did
so good in that exam!” But out in the
harsh world of criticism and comparison, we question that quantitative quality
of “good.” Are we good enough? Are we smart
enough? Are we successful enough?
We’ve
forgotten how to trust ourselves; we’ve forgotten how to rely on our own
beliefs and judgements. Instead we look
to others to build us up and manufacture our self-esteem. We rely on a measurement of what is enough to
meet the world’s approval. So, really, it’s
no wonder we suffer with low self-esteem.
How is it possible to recognize our worthiness, our value, when so many undermining
efforts challenge us?
To
me, the most important step in loving yourself is defining what it means to
you. Get clear on all that is personal
to you - how you want to live your life, the type of person you want to
be. Perhaps then, with a focus on the
subjective, it’s easier to rely less on what others measure as good, because you have your own personal
operating system to define what is worthy or of value. Simply enough, you can do something for the
benefit of your own self. Defining what
self-love is subjectively means that everything is tailored for you; it allows
you to be authentic and expressive through your thoughts and endeavors because
the self-love you experience naturally comes from you. There is no need for a reliance on anybody
else. Relying on yourself to define your
own integrity means that you can think of yourself as someone with value, reinforcing
a positive self-image.
With that being said, I’m a huge believer in all
that “treat others the way you want to be treated” stuff. The way you treat others, the type of energy
you bring into a space, is a massive reflection of how you feel about yourself
and so I think it is necessary to become the person you want to be your best
friend *not promoting identity-theft, I swear.
If you want love, understanding and compassion, then treat others
likewise with no expectations. The
more happiness, acceptance and love you can freely share, the more love you
have for yourself.
Of
course, there is no set guideline to loving yourself. However, my view of the whole thing springs
from the idea of beginning to trust yourself and defining your ideas of self-worth
according to your own personal needs and desires. From this, perhaps you will find that you
need less and less validation from others.
Respect yourself. See yourself as
worthy and deserving. You are entirely
worth the effort; you just won’t know it till you start showing it to yourself.