Monday 14 November 2016
The Only Freshers Guide you will Ever Need to Move Down South From a Northern Fresher Herself. *not to offend, only to entertain in a Peter Kay way.
Moving out and going to university away from home can be a
struggle for any fresher. It’s been
three months now, and we still are getting our heads around how toilet roll
doesn’t magically appear when necessary and why food use-by dates are just
generally a thing. But for my fellow
Northern Freshers, I must extend my deepest congratulations. We have broken that divide: we proudly stepped out of our stereotypically honest
gravy-loving-chattier-controversially-Thatcher-hating comfort zone and have
embarked upon far-away lands with a reliable public transportation system and a
more tropical climate – did it rain at all here in October?
From my short time here I can honestly say that The South is
more than just a region – it’s an experience.
The culture shock is real. No
matter how many Greggs you can find, the truth is that London is a whole new
stick of Blackpool rock – tough, impossible to fully chew through, but with a
sweetness so addictive you’ll find you’ll always want more.
Meaningful simile aside, here are four things you undoubtedly
have already/will experience in your time south of the divide.
1)
The big
question: “Whereabouts are you from?”
In the same way that anything south of Junction 15 on
the M6 is a mystery for any Northerner, a Southerner’s geographical knowledge
of the North may seem limited. You can
say you’re from a small town – like Leigh.
When the brow furrows and the mouth drops slightly, then you reply with
a less specific region or borough, like Wigan.
And finally, when the eyebrows raise, the lips purse with embarrassment
and the shoulders shrug with an “I-don’t-know-nor-do-I-really-care” attitude,
you sigh and awkwardly reply with “near Manchester.” Learn to expect that London is the centre of
the Londoner’s universe, and familiarise yourself with the exasperation you
will experience when people claim anything north of London is The North.
2)
Accent and
Dialect
You thought your accent was barely noticeable, but to
your flat mates, you’re essentially the lovechild of Peter Kay and Liam
Gallagher. Immediately, you become aware
of the accent you didn’t know you had through the constant scrutinising of the
pronunciation of vowels – just to clarify, it is “bath” not “barth.” And asking “our kid” if they’re “reet sound”
will simply result in the slow backing away of an alarmed individual, confused
as to whether they’re living on Coronation Street or on another planet
entirely.
3) Delicacies
It is a bold but true
statement: food has evidently bridged the North-South gap. Warburton’s bread originated in Bolton, but
now provides many a Chip Barm throughout the country and mops up that smooth
gravy excess smeared across Nan’s best Sunday china. And when the nasty hangover/hunger pangs
strike, never fear, for Greggs’ pasties are always here. The North and South alike can all share in
the delight that is classic Northern stodge, and enjoy all that greasy goodness
(or badness) that the carbs provide, meaning that you will never be without
some home comforts.
4) The pride
you have for your hometown #roots
“What did tha just say about
Manchester?” You will
undoubtedly become fiercely protective whenever anyone is anything short of
complimentary about home. London may
offer all the history and culture your heart may desire, it may be home to the
coolest of bars and restaurants, place of palaces and parliament. Yet, still your heart beats for your
small-town local where a 3-course meal on a Sunday costs £7.99, and you know
that you will always have the “best night ever” – every time – in your local
nightclub, where “Every Time We Touch” by Cascada is the finest tune in the
land. Home is where the heart is, after
all.
Home may be where the heart is, however, right now you’re in
London. London: not just capital of
England, but a world centre in art, culture, finance and history. A world of opportunity is waiting, so forget
about the ‘back there’ and think about the ‘now.’ Why waste time moping about home? Home will always be there, but you’re only a
fresher once…or twice, or three times, depending on how much you miss Drapers’
events come September. It’s impossible
to lose your roots no matter where you come from. Now is the time to grow and embrace
everything this fantastic city offers, starting with your degree and
finishing…who knows where? Who knows
what lies ahead and what is to come?
Think of London like Blackpool rock: it’s impossible to fully chew
through and complete, but it’s addictive taste means you will always want more.
