The Toilet Roll Archives (14): Shower Thoughts
Why is a building called a ‘building’ if it is already
built? And, isn't Lasagne just spaghetti flavoured cake?
A while ago, a friend of mine had come to stay with me whilst she was (successfully!) job hunting down here. It was around the time I had accidentally fallen into freelancing and was working like a fucking lunatic (because who doesn’t want to work 9am-2am for next to no pay?) Lol. Good times. Maybe I’ll go into that whole thing one day.
Anyway, it was a Saturday night and we were sat on the sofa with some horror film on the TV. One of us was intently listening and shitting herself, the other one of us was half-paying attention and half-drafting some weird finance blog thing for a deadline that was slowly but surely creeping up.
Long story short, the TV was paused and we ended up having one of those Shower Thought Conversations. You know the sorts! Whether you’ve been exercising, been listening to music, high, whatever, the all-too familiar feeling of triggered dopamine levels makes for some of the funniest, weirdest, deepest conversations you can ever encounter. You’re no longer you; you’re all of a sudden A Creative Genius (Kanye Who?) and Profound Philosopher with all sorts of ideas that are brilliant, incredible, amazing, show-stopping, spectacular, never-the-same, totally-unique, completely-not-ever-been-done before…
For some reason, me and my bunch of freaks always end up on this kind of thought-train – I’d like to take this time to formally apologise to my flatmates, who always takes my stupid trains of thought on the chin with a strained smile and a sigh. I know they come at the worst time – aka when you’re intently watching something on TV – but don’t pretend I’m not a sick roomie because we both know I’m pretty great. 😊
Since we’ve all been working from home under lockdown, these convos often function as the perfect means of distraction. Just call me Princess Procrastinator – I mean, I didn’t do over 100 days’ worth of those daily WYR’s for nowt!
Alongside these daily WYRs – which I’m going to list on here at some point (whenever I get round to it :/) – I’ve keeping a mental note of some of these Shower Thought Conversations I’ve been sharing with friends and flatmates over the course of lockdown. I can’t remember a good bunch of them, but these were a few standouts.
Feel free to use them at your own will; once the spiral starts, it can’t be stopped!
Love and all that,
K 😊
SHOWER THOUGHTS
1) Why can you drink a drink but you can’t food food?
2) Isn’t dying in a living room one of the most ironic things you can do?
3) If a fly should damage its wings and is no longer able to fly, what is it? Is it a walk? An de-fly? What?
4) In a bedroom, if you buy a bigger bed, you have more bed room but less bedroom.
5) If tomatoes are a fruit, surely that makes tomato ketchup a jam?
6) Why is a building called a ‘building’ if it is already built?
7) If Dora is an explorer, why does she only visit mapped areas?
8) Nothing is on fire; fire is just on things. Fight me on this one, I’ll burn you 😊
9) If babies are in the womb for nine months, why is a newborn not considered nine months old?
10) Lasagne is spaghetti flavoured cake.
11) If you replace the w with a t in what, where and when, you have an answer.
12) Your arse isn’t just one part/aspect of your body. Each cheek is simply an extenuation of each leg.
13)
A German Shepherd is also a type of human.
14) We're meant to be 100% focused when driving but literally every sign or advert is designed to pull our attention away.
15) If you believe the earth is flat, do you believe that the sun and the moon are also flat?
16) A jail and a prison are basically the same thing. But a jailer and a prisoner are extremely different things.
17) In this same vein, saying “I’m sorry” and “I apologise” are, in essence, the same thing – unless you’re at a funeral.
18) People say “life is short” but life is literally the longest thing any of us will experience.
19) Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.
20) When you say “forward” and “back”, you’re lips move in those directions.
21) Clapping is essentially just hitting yourself because you like something.
22) “Strap on” spelt backwards is no parts.
23) If Apple made a house, would it have Windows?
24) A lot of people confuse left and right, but I’ve never met anyone who confuses up and down.
25) Shouldn’t “April Fool’s” be on any other day than “April Fool’s” aka 1st April?
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