The Fear and Flickering Flames

The Fear and Flickering Flames

• Wednesday, 6 November 2019

"The Fear and Flickering Flames?" Probably just as pretentious as it sounds - you've been warned. 

Sometimes I just sit and think about how amazing our potential is as human beings. Global warming, murderous and narcissistic flaws aside, humans can be (and often are) fucking incredible. Liver regeneration, for one. The ability to blush – which is, according to Darwin, “the most human of all expressions.” And our upright posture and speech is pretty sick too.

On a deeper level (because where else would I go, let’s be honest?), humans are exceptional in the sense that we are able to tap into near-supernatural willpower when we know what we really want. 

When we are clear on matters, it’s like a flame flickers in our bellies, burning every obstacle or inconvenience in our midst, until we get to where we want to go. I mean, you always hear tons of stories about superhuman feats in those chatty weeklies about dog-mothers ripping off car doors to save their pets and people scaling buildings to reach kids who have somehow managed to climb out of a window and get themselves stuck. Despite everything going against them, the most truly determined of humans overcome whatever circumstances face them and charge ahead.

Of course, there’s always ‘The Fear’ argument; the idea that these people are more scared than superhuman isn’t exactly shocking. I mean, fear makes us do the craziest yet coolest of things. However, I don’t really want to focus on this part of human willpower today.

Willpower, to me, is the most important trait that we carry as humans. I think it encompasses a whole ton of stuff – the ability to comprehend and understand, the ability to learn, the ability to communicate. There is nothing more important to willpower, at least to me. 

There is something so incredibly sacred about knowing what you want. And, sometimes, there is nothing more difficult to figure out. Sometimes it feels like until you know what it is that you want, it’s almost impossible to start building an existence surrounding it. Kind of like a human cell without a nucleus, you know; the main bit with all the good stuff in it.

Maybe I’m coming off as too ambitious or up my own arse when I say that. It’s just that, sometimes, ordinariness feels a bit mundane and empty to me when there’s no real clear payoff or goal to reach. I like setting my sights on something; it means I can light that fire in my belly and go for it. When I don’t have that, I feel colder, emptier and a whole lot less human. 

V. dramatic stuff, I know. Cue the violins.

Knowing what you want, it seems to me, is half the battle. Yet, there seems to be no real method on figuring out what it is that we actually want. There’s no coaching, (well, I’m not forking out however-many-grand for life coaching but if someone wants to pay for it, we can talk!), there’s no class or course we can take. No one except ourselves, individually, can sit down and dissect what it is we really urge to make happen. Asking ourselves what we crave, what we seek to find, what we need, are all massive questions that we have to root around to find in our subconscious, buried deep somewhere. 

And even then, when we get through to them, all we ever can come up with are flaky pieces of ‘this-and-that’ which sound nice, which sound alright. But, do they really ignite us in that hungry way we need to burn?

Maybe that’s where The Fear comes from actually. LOL, can you tell this is a stream of consciousness or what? I’m all over the place!

But, no, seriously, maybe The Fear is important. If you don’t know where to begin, burn the end of the candle you’re most fearful of. If you start with what you’re scared of, then nothing else can possibly be quite as bad. We might not know what it is we totally desire, but we know what it is that we’re scared of. 

Take what we’re scared of and twist it. What’s its opposite? What is the worst-case-scenario for you? What is the best thing that could happen in that situation?

Is it as simple as that? Your truest of needs and wants are hidden beneath layers of fear and confusion? Your deepest of desires are, in fact, wearing a mask of worry? 

An absolute mood provided by flickr.com

So, if that’s the case, the truth of the matter is that everyone knows exactly what they want; they’re just too scared to want it. The things we want naturally exist within us as a part of our character. It’s just that The Fear is just as deeply rooted within us. It masks all those things we desire, twisting them into the opposite because the things we want are often so innocently malleable. We care so deeply; we want so badly. It’s risky to lean into whatever those wants and cares are, so we shield ourselves, telling ourselves it’s impossible when it’s really this stupid defence mechanism deeply rooted in The Fear. The Fear robs us of a chance to pursue our truest of desires because we’re in denial about what they really are.

The Fear is the dimmer on our flickering flame of willpower. It puts out the flame. It might be time to try and change that, if we can.