Another Year of Pumpkin Portals...
I think one of the most frustrating things for me around this time of year is trying to carve a pumpkin. T'is in the Halloween spirit and all. However, I'll be the first to admit that I am in no way, shape, or form, an artist.
Don't get me wrong, I'm a pretty creative person. When it comes to anything artsy or whatever, I know what I want to set out to achieve. I can see it in my head and then *bam* that's the way it has to be. It has to look this way.
But...as luck would have it...it never pans out.
Exhibit A:
Exhibit A:
The perfectionist in me means that all these grand, wondrous design schemes have to work just so, but when it comes down to it, these pumpkin carvings barely turn out half-decent. Actually, less than that. They're barely half half-decent. They, more often than not, end up a split pile of mush.
In true Kerry-style, this Halloween season, my pumpkins have been far more trick than treat. My Instagram is always filled with photos of intricately designed orange spheres, featuring comically familiar faces or funny little messages. I always start off thinking that I could do this, or I could recreate that - but I am never satisfied with the end result of my hilariously disastrous pumpkins.
This year, I took the approach of "the smaller the pumpkin, the smaller the problem." The result? Not great. It involved string, some duct tape, and a final "ta-da" at the end of it all - talk about taking surgery and 'make it spewky szn!' I guess the lesson I took from this was that there's only so much pumpkin you can carve. It sounds obvious now but, in the heat of the moment, it's easy just to think you can carve just a bit more.
No - I'm not going into more detail than that. I'm not ready to embarrass myself like that on the internet, just yet. Just rest assured that I make any amateur look like a professional.
This year, I took the approach of "the smaller the pumpkin, the smaller the problem." The result? Not great. It involved string, some duct tape, and a final "ta-da" at the end of it all - talk about taking surgery and 'make it spewky szn!' I guess the lesson I took from this was that there's only so much pumpkin you can carve. It sounds obvious now but, in the heat of the moment, it's easy just to think you can carve just a bit more.
No - I'm not going into more detail than that. I'm not ready to embarrass myself like that on the internet, just yet. Just rest assured that I make any amateur look like a professional.
But, whilst ornately decorated and remarkably designed pumpkins are great to admire, can they bring the laughs that jack o' lantern fails do? I like to think my first attempt was a piece of modern art, my second was a deliberate gaping entrance into another world (All Hail The Pumpkin Portal) and my third...no, I really can't lie, my third was just a pile of shite.
But now that spewky szn is away with, mercury retrograde is in full swing, and I can barely move across my flat without hearing my neighbour blasting Christmas Carols (we're festive early up in Alderney!), I think it's time to leave my shocking carving skills where they belong: in East London's last week of October's recycling collection point.
But now that spewky szn is away with, mercury retrograde is in full swing, and I can barely move across my flat without hearing my neighbour blasting Christmas Carols (we're festive early up in Alderney!), I think it's time to leave my shocking carving skills where they belong: in East London's last week of October's recycling collection point.
Yep, maybe I'll just stick to cooking, not carving, pumpkins. Though I'm not much better at that, either!
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