The Universal Truths of Learning to Adult
1)
You
will face at least one existential crisis per term.
Such crises shape the deadline-looming/budget-making/budget-breaking/trying-to-get-your-life-together
mould that undoubtedly is Freshers Year.
You start out in September bright-eyed and bushy-tailed with a pink
fluffy pen which was supposed to write you into 2.1 territory and your
brand-new laptop which holds the answer to every question ever asked about
anything ever. “You’re a go-getter;
you’re ready for this” you think. Little
do you know that that entrance into 2.1 territory is pretty much the equivalent
of trying to break into Area 51 of the education system, and the questions you
ask yourself *Siri* and the answers you’re *Siri* meant to have seem to
increase tenfold. The pressure builds as the essays pile, the bomb
explodes, and rather than chuck the new laptop to the ground and waste all
expense (see point 2), you find it perfectly acceptable to lay in bed 6 hours
before the deadline contemplating the purpose of your degree as if we’re all
dust in the end anyway. Yet you still pass. And you breathe a sigh of relief. And once again the cycle begins.
2)
Think
you’re broke now? Ha.
I have learned that adulting – yes, that is now a
verb – requires a certain measure of monetary management. ‘Finance’ and ‘Budget’ are words I am slowly
learning because, shockingly, things cost
money. Who’d have thought it? Student loans are of God; gilded butterfly
wings of beauty that flutter into our bank accounts termly with promises of a
food shop, nights out, maybe a concert ticket…the possibilities are endless,
dangerously making overspending far too easy and resulting in you being that
person who lives off tinned tomatoes for the rest of the term (true story) Be a grown-up. Budget.
Spread the word to save a life.
3)
People will tell you that winging
it doesn’t cut it here, but you’ll wing it anyway. And it will work.
Links
back to point one, really. You have 6
hours and 2000 words to write. Enter a
modern form of Plato’s Euthyphro Dilemma: does this student rite of passage
release the adult within, or do you step up and become an adult to make it
through the night? Adult-like qualities
of strength and self-motivation seep through your pores, leak through your
tapping fingers onto your keyboard to power you through; the essay is worth 60%
of your module, after all. Winging it
ignites a fire in your belly; becoming an adult, you discover, means you can
complete anything on time to a satisfactory standard. That, and that caffeine truly does work.
4)
You will be expected to grow up and figure out just what you want to do,
yet the wider world will still view you as a child.
Not a Harry Potter or Matilda Wormwood ‘child
prodigy.’ Not an educated person who is
finding their feet in the big wide world.
Just a child. Better yet, a millennial: a social-networking,
technology-obsessed member of Generation Y.
You’re lazy, entitled, floating through life in university, dreaming of
a future in politics or media; you think it’s tough? “You lot don’t know you’re born! Kids today,
eh?” Kids. Call me a kid and question my maturity when
you pay my accommodation fees due at the end of this week.
No comments
Post a Comment